A Day at the Zoo!
by Mina Maxwell
Summary: THE FUNNIEST GUNDAM WING STORY YOU'RE NOT READING! --Rynka Star Reporter Come check out the hijinx as the GW boys spend a day at the zoo wrestling crocs and egos the size of Mars. Help Quatre pick out a pet! Complete --PS Not really in Spanish
1. Un Dia al Zoologico

Disclaimer:

I do not own Mobile Suit Gundam Wing. Though I have claimed it to be my Bible, worshiped in the temple of Heero and sacrificed small animals and roommates to him in hopes of making him come to life. So that he could be mine and Hajime Yatate and Yoshiyuki Tomino couldn't say anything to me other than perhaps, "Congratulations on your wedding. ;-)" 

Okay… This story is called A Day at the Zoo… if you've noticed that the first lines are in Spanish… you are a genius and should be given a cookie. If this scares you because you don't speak a lick of Spanish don't be afraid neither did the people I wrote this for which is why in about eight lines Heero, the love of my life, translates it all for you. So please just read through it… and test your self to see how much you understand and then you can check yourself in less than a paragraph… or you can dismiss the humor in the whole thing and just scan down to where Heero starts to speak… you'll recognize it because it's in English. 

*To understand my insanity… read the AN at the end. ;-) 

"Un Día al Zoológico"

            Hace un día verano típico, Duo hace la furgoneta y arrastra sus compañeros al zoológico. 

            "¿El Zoológico? ¿Nos da al ZOOLÓGICO?" se queja Wufei

            "El zoológico no es malo." dice Trowa

            "Mirando a muchos animales in jaulas no es mí ídea de un tiempo divértido." 

            "Aye, piensa. Puede ser tú en la jaula." muestra Quatre

            "EXACTAMIENTO! ESTO ES INJUSTICIA! Ellos deben ser libre."

            "Uh, Wufei, no es como ellos están en una jaula pequnita y apretada para la gente les mira tonto a los animales. Todos los animales grandes tiene partes grandes como sus habitates naturals," dice Duo.

            "Y Como sabes...?"

            "Wufei, drop it." dice Heero antes de Wufei puede dicer algo que el lamenta. "Uh, why are we speaking in Spanish? I know this day was for Mina's homework assignment, but really guys do we have to speak in Spanish for all those poor people reading this who took Russian or French in High School. Or those who can't pronounce English words let alone anything in Spanish, then of course there are the people who took Spanish and all they can remember is, "Where is the bathroom? It is on the right." It's not fair to them."

            "Las personas estúpidas me importa un rabano!" dice Wufei.

            "Uh okay I won't translate that one, but for those of you who have been trying to follow along this is what was said:

            It was a typical summer day; Duo packed the van and dragged the others to the zoo. 

            "The zoo? You brought us to the zoo?" Wufei complained. 

            "The zoo's not so bad." said Trowa

            "Looking at a bunch of animals in cages is not my idea of a fun time."

            "Hey just think it could be you in the cage." Quatre pointed out

            "Exactly, it's such an injustice! They should be free."

            "Uh, Wufei it's not like they are in tiny cramped cages to be gawked at. All the bigger animals have big plots of land much like their natural habitat," said Duo

            "And how would you..."

            "Wufei, drop it." I warned before he could say something he'd regret.

 Now we'll continue in English only, got it."

"What's first?" Quatre asked

            "I say we see the lions just for Trowa." Duo teased.

            "Yeah and we can visit your relatives in the monkey house." Heero commented.

            "Hey I never... Well maybe we'll be able to figure out what species you are." 

            "Did you think that one up on your own, Maxwell?" Wufei chided

            "Hey guys look it's a baby bear." Quatre pointed to one of the habitats.

            "That's a panda, Quatre. They aren't bears." Wufei corrected.

            "Well he sure looks like a bear to me."

            "No he's right, they're more closely related to raccoons," commented Heero.

            "Now THAT'S a bear!" Duo pointed to a large Kodiak in the next habitat.

            "Yes. Yes, it is." Trowa commented absent-mindedly. Looking at the map he continued, "The bigger animals are this way." he pointed and began heading in that direction. The others followed.

            "Oh look giraffes." Wufei said with a bit too much enthusiasm

            "My Grandma what a big long neck you have," Duo called up to it.

            "Hey it says here that a giraffe only has 7 bones in its neck just like humans." Quatre read off the information sign.

            "That's impossible!" Wufei exclaimed.

            "No they're just bigger bones.  Uh, Wufei you shouldn't be climbing on that." Quatre began to stare warily.

            "Why? It's a giraffe it's not going to hurt me," he said as he stood on the fence looking up at the VERY close giraffe. When the giraffe looked as though it might try to eat Wufei's hair, Trowa and Heero pulled him off the fence.

            "Why'd you do that?"

            "So it wouldn't eat you."

            "It was almost close enough for me to touch it," Wufei whined uncharacteristically.

            "Oh, sorry next time we'll ignore all the signs and let you climb in and get trampled," Heero said with a sarcastic air, motioning and walking away from the group.

            "Or clawed," Duo added sticking his tongue out at a sour-faced Wufei.

            "You know… if it had claws," Trowa said almost as an afterthought to Duo's comment before following Heero onward. 

            "Or eaten," Quatre finished and walked off after the others.

            "Oh then we'd really be in trouble for feeding the animals," Duo said through his last obscene face-gesture and turned abruptly to walk away almost smacking Wufei with his braid. 

            "IT WAS A GIRAFFE! IT WASN'T GOING TO EAT ME!!!" Wufei called out after them. 

            "Let's move on shall we?" Duo said as he paused to look back at Wufei as if he were in kindergarten.

They walked past the elephants, tapirs, and hippos.

            "Duo quit making faces at the animals." Heero scolded

            "Making faces? You mean that wide-hippo-mouth look wasn't his usual face?" Wufei commented more to himself than to anyone else.

            "I'll stop making faces at them, if you can get your girlfriend to stop, uh, whatever it is she's doing to them."

            "Huh?" Heero stopped in his tracks and walked back over to Duo.

            "Maxwell, are you on crack?" Wufei snidely replied.

            "Possibly heat stroke," Trowa added to the list pf things wrong with Duo.

            Duo pointed into the habitat, "Uh, hello. I can't be the only one who sees her." Duo grabbed Heero's head and directed his attention to the habitat.

            "Ooo, you better run Duo, hallucinating about Relena. He's gonna... ......." Wufei began

            "Oh my God." Heero said looking into the Rhino cage

            "....kill you?" Wufei concluded

            "Tell me how is it, do you think, that she got up there?" Duo pondered out loud, mostly to Heero.

            "I don't think how is the question running through my mind," Heero said staring in disbelief.

            "What are you two looking at?" Trowa asked as he finally began to show interest in something at the zoo other than the map… and saving his idiot companions.

            "Trowa man, run away don't ask questions, If Duo can drag HIM into his delusion than I suggest we get the hell out of here," Wufei proposed rather seriously.

            "See the rhino?"

            Nods

            "See the cute little dainty shoes hanging over its tail?" 

            Stares of disbelief and yet more nods

            "I bought those for her for Christmas last year."

            "Wow, and she wore those to the zoo?" Quatre questioned Relena's fashion/gift care reasonings.

            Trowa, Duo, and Wufei looked at him incredulously as Heero vaulted the fence.

"RELENA!"

            "Huh?" the girl on the rhino's back sat straight up. "H-H-Heero, what are you doing here?"

            "What am I doing here? What are you doing up there?"

            "W-Well it started out as a day of pictures, a-an-and then..." she shrugged and smiled giving the best innocent look a person resting on a rhino could.

            To this Heero laughed softly yet whole-heartedly.

            "What?" Relena asked coyly, playing with her feet.

            Heero helped her down, "You know, I've always had this problem, I don't know whether to find this incredibly cute or stupid."

            Relena smiled and removed her hat putting it on his head and then took his arm and walked back to the inner gates with her head on his shoulder. "Hmmm." Relena sighed happily, almost giggling.

            "What?"

            "When I can do incredibly stupid things and you find them incredibly cute, then I just know you're not..."

            "...going anywhere." he finished with her.

            Inside the pachyderm house Heero found Pagan asleep on a bench, and a whole photo crew. After waking them, Relena changed clothes and was now wearing a white dress with a blue bow. "Well now, that's an interesting dress." Heero smiled to hide his embarrassment.

            Relena frowned, "You haven't seen hat that goes with it." 

            Heero tried not to laugh. "If you don't like them, then why do you do these shoots?"

            "Oh, I don't know, I'm sure they have some political purpose, when I figure out what it is, I will let you know."

            Heero smiled, "Where are you of to now?"

            "I believe landscapes, I have no idea where."

            "Okay. I'll see you later?" he asked softly and sincerely.

            "Absolutely, only maybe when I don't smell like rhino." :) Relena joked although making a mental note to shower before going anywhere else.

            Heero leaned in until their noses were touching, "I hadn't even noticed." he leaned in...

            "HEEEEERROOOO!!" the others had gone around and entered the house the correct way.

            sigh "Later"

            nods 

"Hey, 'Lena what's happenin'?" Duo said coming up behind them.

            "Photo shoot at the zoo?" Quatre asked earnestly

            "At the zoo, in someone's backyard, and now we're off to... oh I don't even remember." Relena threw her hands up in defeat.

            "If you ask me these pansy-ass pictures make you look weak." Wufei commented honestly and arrogantly. 

"Tell that to my PR-rep, I hate smiling this much."

            "Do you even own a big fluffy dog?" Trowa asked flipping through a book of possible shoot sites and scenes.

            "No, I believe he belongs to the Foreign Minister's third son's oldest daughter." 

            "Eew, that is such an ugly dress. Why are you wearing it?" Duo spun her around with a look of distain on his face.

            "Because you're not my "fashion" designer. Apparently white makes me appear innocent."

            "And weak," Wufei interjected just incase she didn't know how he felt. 

            "And prissy, and extremely bored, and when they allow me to wear actual colors and styles that aren't out of the pre-war era, I'll let you guys pick out my wardrobe if you like," Relena agreed.

            "Uh, hon. Look at our clothes we can barely dress ourselves, you'd trust us to pick out clothes you'd wear in actual pictures that the public might see?"

            "Okay, I agree if I were dressed in an Arabian-Circus-Warrior-Nun outfit made entirely out of spandex then I'd probably be laughing too hard to ever get a picture taken. batting her eyes But you guys wouldn't do that to me, would you?"

            "That all depends on how into the idea Heero is?" Duo said too seriously.

            From all the weird looks he continued, "Well if he didn't mind that we made you look stupider than usual and we didn't have to worry about our lives being in jeopardy then we could really go all out."

            Smiles and laughter "Thanks Duo, love you too." Relena said half hugging half pushing her friend. 

            "Miss Relena we should be going." Pagan said from the background.

            "Well guys that's my cue," Relena said giving Duo one last hug, "You better get him back to me in one piece." Duo simply nodded. Relena turned towards Wufei, "Weak, huh?" He nodded with arms crossed. "I'll keep that in mind." She turned to Trowa, "Tell Catherine if she ever needs target practice, I know a good dog." Trowa nodded. "Then again, if you ever want to use it for target practice I wouldn't mind that either." To this he smiled. To Quatre she said, "Keep them out of trouble." 

"Oh don't worry; I want to be able to come back to the zoo before I'm fifty," Quatre reassured her.

Then finally she turned back to Heero, "Well I really should get going." Heero nodded. With her back to the others she mouthed, "I love you." To which he took her by the arm and walked past everyone else towards the photographers, "I know," he whispered sending her on her way. 

When Relena was gone, Heero turned back to the others, "Well... Are we going to just stand here all day?"

            Duo was the first to speak, "She was riding a rhino. You are dating a freak."

            "No the part that scares me is that she fell asleep up there." Trowa raised an eyebrow towards Heero.

"I wonder how many other animals they let her molest?" Wufei shuddered.  

 "Wufei, that wasn't very nice. Relena wouldn't molest anything." Quatre said slightly dismayed that Wufei could think such a thing let alone say it out loud.

            "Other than maybe Heero," Duo commented.

            "Molest can mean bother and annoy as well as what they do to each other," Wufei said peeved.

"Hey Trowa, do you guys have a spot for another animal riding clown in the circus?" 

            "No, but I'm sure they'd let her chase the pigs," he said commenting on an inside joke.

After they laughed over this a little more, "Are you guys finished? Can we move on now? You know to see other animals besides yourselves."

            "Oh come on Heero we were just teasing." 

            "Hyenas." Heero turned to leave the pachyderm house.

            "Oh, hyenas, what a great idea, can we go see them?" Quatre jumped at the idea not remotely getting that Heero was talking about them and not the animals.

"Hyenas are weak," Wufei put in his usual two cents.

"They're over by the big cats." Trowa looked at the map.

"Nah, we've seen hyenas, lions, and other big cats in the wild, I wanna see something we don't get to see often."

            "Like what?"

            "Oh, I got it let's go to the Australian House."

            Trowa looked at the map, "Well the cats are back by the bears, so we can see them on the way out, Australia is this way." he indicated and they went "this" way.

            Walking past the Tropical Rainforest House:

            "Hey Duo, you sure you don't want to stop by home while we're here?" 

            "Bite me, Wufei."

            They continued until they came to the outdoor habitat with Okapis, and Zebras. "Oh look they're so cute." 

            "Quatre, they're donkeys with striped butts," Wufei drawled bitterly.

"They are not, they're related to your precious giraffes. Why don't you go molest them too?"

            "Guys, stop it, we've all ready seen the other side of this Savannah habitat. We're going to see Australia remember." Duo pulled them on.

            "What's so special about Australia anyway?" Trowa asked

            "The kangaroo rats," Heero stated.

            "Why?" Wufei asked what most of the others were thinking but wouldn't have bothered to say.

            "They're Mina's favorite."

            Duo blushed, "How do you know about that?"

            "You live in my house. That and you're not the quietest people."

            "I don't get it what's so special about rats," Quatre asked in confusion.               

"Quatre, you probably don't want to know," Wufei assured him.

"That can't be the only reason we're going Australian," Trowa said looking up map in hand.

"It's not." Duo grinned.

The others gave him a little look as to say, go on...

"The nocturnal house is part of the Australian house."

"Oh yes and we all know what Duo wants to see there," Heero rolled his eyes.     

"The Tasmanian Devil?" Quatre shot out still completely lost.

"The Naked Moles?" Wufei added finding himself funny.

"I think the nocturnal flying squirrels are pretty awesome myself, but I believe they are hinting at the bat caves," Trowa clarified.

            "Oh," Quatre and Wufei said in mock-realization.

            "Kangaroos!" Duo screamed before running on ahead.

            Heero almost laughed, Trowa shook his head, Quatre shrugged and ran after him, while Wufei simply called out, "Baka!"

            "I want a dingo. They're so cute," Quatre said with sparkling eyes as he looked out into the habitat.

            "Uh, Wild Dogs..." Wufei began.

"So?"

            "Tear you to shreds..."

            "So?"

            "And you still think they're cute," Wufei threw up his arms in defeat. This was definitely not his day. Then again, with these four, what was is day?

            "Maybe that's what he likes about them, they'd chase you off his property." Heero commented dryly.

            "They would not!" Wufei began to shout as an injustice had been done to him.

            "He's right they wouldn't. Wufei's too stupid to run." Duo chided.

            "I am not!"

            "Oh I've got it, he'd run, just not off the property." Trowa added actually finding Wufei's anger to be fascinating and slightly humorous. 

            "It's only fitting, my dingoes would need the exercise," Quatre said nonchalantly 

 "Oh shut up." Wufei glowered.

            "Oh look a crocodile wrestling demonstration." Duo pointed in excitement. 

            "I could do that," Wufei said smugly.

            "You would think so," Quatre said looking away.

            "Wufei and a Crocodile, now I'd pay to watch that," Trowa commented non-too-seriously.

            "Would you Circus Boy?" Wufei said taking the challenge that had not quite been set before him.

            "Uh, Wufei? Where are you...?" Trowa called out after him.

"I'd like to try and wrestle the croc." Wufei said as he arrived at a burly man with a clipboard and a really cancerous-looking tan.

            "Are you Australian?"

"No."

            "Are any of your ancestors Australian?"

            "No."

            "Have you ever been to Australia?"

            "No."

            "Have you ever dated an Australian?"

            "No."

            "Why not?"

            "I've never met one."

            "Hmm... If I introduced you to one would you?"

            "How the hell should I know?"

            "Were you born with superhuman strength?"

            "No."

            "Were you born with fast reflexes?"

            "Define fast."

            The man punched at Wufei and Wufei eluded the punch easily.

            "Moderate. Were you born with any impurities in your system?"

            "Watch what you imply about my mother!"

            "Were you born with homosexual tendencies?"

            "I hope not."

            "Were you born on a Tuesday?"

            "Tuesday, is that the day that honors the god of War?"

            "In some cultures."

            "Then, no." 

            "What makes you think we should let you wrestle then?"

            "I'm Chang Wufei, Gundam Pilot. And I can beat anything."

            "Oh I see, so you're a cocky Chinese boy who's been given to much power in the past."

            "So can I wrestle?"

            "Get out of here kid!" 

            "What's the matter Wufei, the big bad man wouldn't let you give it a try?" Trowa mocked as if they were in elementary school.

"It wouldn't have been a try. I would have won," Wufei said with honor.

"It's hot out here can we take a break?" pleaded Duo     

            "Hot? It's barely 90 degrees." Quatre questioned

            "Well excuse me for not growing up in a desert!" Duo argued back.

            "Duo's cranky." Quatre relayed his information to the person next to him.

            "Children if you don't stop fighting I'm going to pull this car over," Heero said sarcastically leading the way.

"What car? I'm the one who drove anyway," whined Duo, getting confused.    "Told you," Quatre said taking a step away from Duo.

            "Okay, there's some shade and refreshments back by the monkeys we'll head there." Trowa pointed out.

            After they got some drinks, they sat down on benches near an outside monkey cage. Duo was slurping his drink and staring at a monkey mocking his every move. The monkey took notice of Duo and began to stare back having fun watching to see just what kind of gestures this human would follow. When Duo didn't copy the monkey as it grabbed itself and flung its dung the monkey got bored. Their mocking turned into a staring contest. Duo got bored of this after a few minutes sitting on the rail he turned around to face his friends.

            "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Duo screamed as he was pulled backward off the railing.

            "DUO!" Heero dropped his drink and ran to the cage. Quatre and Trowa were close behind. Wufei sat back and watched.

            "Ow. Ow. Ow, Make it let go!" Duo screamed. The monkey had reached out and grabbed a hold of Duo's extremely long hair. "Make it let go." Duo was on the verge of tears, his feet on the rail, his head whacked on the bottom of the cage, and the monkey chewing and tugging on his hair. 

            Trowa looked the monkey straight in the eyes and began sticking his hand into the cage, "Come on little fella, give us Duo's hair," he coaxed.

Quatre moved Duo's feet so he wasn't so awkward. 

            "Ow.. Please make him stop." Duo had tears of pain streaming down his face. Heero tried to help by grabbing a hold of Duo's hair close to his head to release the pressure the monkey was putting on his now bleeding head. 

            "Come on little monkey... OOOOWWWW!" Trowa withdrew his hand as two other monkeys swooped down taking bites out of Trowa's hand and arm. "Eennnnn." Trowa grunted clutching his bleeding forearm. 

            "That's not very fair, teaming up on him like that," Quatre shook his fingers scolding the monkeys.

            Now the three monkeys were taking turns pulling on his braid. When all three of them yanked together and Duo's head whacked hard against the bars, Heero's hand got caught in between. "That's it." He gave one hard pull and yanked all the monkeys forward off their perches. When they didn't let go, they flew into the bars and dropped to the ground. Heero removed Duo's hair from their fallen clutches and he and Quatre picked him up and moved him away from the cage.

            "Trowa, Duo, You guys really need to get those looked at." Quatre said indicating the blood dripping from Trowa's arm and Duo's head. 

            As they started to head towards the medical unit, Wufei turned to Trowa, "Can't charm the monkeys like the lions, huh Circus Boy."

            "Well I guess those damn things really, really wanted Duo's hair." 

After they had been bandaged Quatre asked, "Can we go home now?"

            "No. I didn't get to see the bats," Duo whined.

            "Duo. You are not shingami, and the bats are not creatures of the night just waiting for you to summon them."

"Heero. You're no fun," Duo pouted following everyone to the van.

--------------------------------------------;-)------------------------------------------

Author's Notes:

            Okay this little random story began as an assignment for my Conversation Spanish class. We had to write about "A Day at the Zoo" and have lots of conversation happening and use up most of our zoo vocab words in the 3 page assignment. 

Well… I had just been to the zoo with my then 1 and a half year old nephew, but that wasn't all that interesting to write about. Then I thought about making up a story about two of my fellow Spanish Minors (Disco and Lumber as they're known around campus) knowing that my teacher would get a huge kick out of it. I could just see it… attacking the animals, hitting on some pretty llama, disco dancing with a grizzly bear, all the things that normal people could never get away with… 

But… I wasn't really sure if I wanted to take that route… so at the encouragement of my roommates I decided to write the story about the Gundam Guys… So… uh… you basically just read a class assignment that I wrote about Anime characters :-) 

After writing three pages about them going to the zoo in English… I managed to get about five pages of Spanish out of it… eee… long… hand written… pain. And then I decided to write it out and e-mail it to my roommates and friends… That's where the story begins… I actually began writing it in Spanish… as I typed it instead of writing it in English as it was written IN FRONT OF ME! 

When you've gotten that far before you realize that you've made a huge mistake… you're not about to go back and erase everything you have…. No…you're going to take it and run with it to make it look like that's what you meant to happen. ;-)

Well that explains the story and the Spanish. Now my question is… when I started adding stuff to it… should I have continued to stop there at my "perfect ending" or should I have continued with the day at the zoo? 

If with this updated and better copied version anyone out there finds it remotely interesting please let me know… and perhaps… I'll write the many versions of croc wrestling questionnaire we had for each pilot. Or who knows… :-) 


	2. La Semana Proxima al Zoologico

Disclaimer: I do not own Mobile Suit Gundam Wing. Hajime Yatate and Yoshiyuki Tomino do. 

La Semana Próxima al Zoológico 

            Wufei publicly shunned by the Australian guy returned to the zoo everyday for the following week to try again. 

            On his fourth visit there it was unbearably hot and the guy who had rejected him in the past finally went on a break. Replacing him was a tall blonde female to interview the possible contestants. He approached her and said, "I'd like to try and wrestle the crocodile."

            She stared at him blankly for a second her sun-bleached hair sticking to her forehead in the heat.

            Wufei didn't break eye contact, "Please."

            She looked him up and down. "Aren't you a bit young?"

            "I don't see an age limit posted on any of your signs."

            "Hn," she replied lifting the clipboard to read off her daily questions.

            "Are you Australian?" she said in a very dry tone.

            Wufei rolled his eyes, "No."

            "Are any of your ancestors Australian?" She was starting to remind him of the old lady at the DMV who asked the same million questions to each person who came to her window without ever looking at them. 

            "No."

            "Have you ever been to Australia?"

            Wufei put a hand to his forehead, "No." 

            "Have you ever dated an Australian?"

            "Are you Australian?"

            "Yes."

            "Are all Australians like you?"

            "Yes."

            "Then, no I haven't and no I never will."

            She dropped her clipboard from in front of her eyes. "Are you saying there's something wrong with me?"

            "You're as dry as Heero's morning toast."

            "Would you prefer that I did a little tap dance for everyone of you idiots who thinks you can take a croc?"

            "I'd prefer you stop asking me these ridiculously biased questions and let me prove that I can take the croc."

            "None of these questions are ridiculous or biased, they are meant to weed out those inferior so that we do not have to clean your blood from the sidewalks."

            "Please. You're Australian. So I'm assuming that your ancestors were Australian. Have you ever been to Australia?"

            "Many times."

            "Date any Aussies?"

            "Naturally."

            "Did you dump any of them or did they all go crying back to their mother's after the first date and just never call you again?"

            "Why you self-centered little…"

            Wufei rolled his eyes at her and upon loosing eye contact he missed seeing her take her arms around his neck and drag him to the crocodile habitat and fling him over the fence. Wufei sighed contently. He stood up looked at her smiled and said, "Thanks."

            She glowered at him and slowly a smile came on her face as she watched one of the crocodiles approach him from behind. The world surely wasn't going to miss this guy and to be the one to rid it of him she would gladly wash his impure blood from the walls. 

            Wufei noticed her smile and stood his ground without so much as turning to look behind him. Just as the crocodile was about to snap at him, he jumped backwards landing on its back. In less than five minutes Wufei had managed to pin the croc to the ground subdue it and climb back over the fence where the Aussie woman stood with her mouth agape. Wufei didn't bother saying a word to her as he walked off. 

            Today had been worth all of the rejection he had faced earlier. Now all he had to do was find the other guys and gloat. The other guys. He had no proof! They were never going to believe that he got passed the front gate let alone taken the croc in record time. Tomorrow was the last day of the croc-wrestling display; he'd have to take them there and do it again.

            "Wufei, that's such b.s. There is no way that guy let you get passed him," Duo said over his burger. 

            "You're right. I tried for three days and he wouldn't let me passed, but yesterday there was a girl there who didn't even get through all the questions before she knew I was just the guy to take the croc," Wufei said smugly.

            "A girl? Was she hot? I've heard Australian women are hot," Duo asked. 

            Wufei cocked his head to look at the flames shooting off of the blonde next to Duo. 

            "Eh…" Duo said turning to face his girlfriend, "Strictly a research question. Honest, Mina. I only want to know if the rumors are true."

            This didn't appease her any and it took every ounce of her strength to keep her from decking him across the restaurant.

            Wufei shook his head, "Other than it being 102 degrees yesterday and her sweating like a pig, no."

            Relena shook her head from across the table, "Duo, you're such a male. Why can't you be more like Heero?"

            Sucking on his straw to extract his extremely thick strawberry shake from his cup, Heero raised an eyebrow and looked at his girlfriend. Of course, Duo voiced the question running through his head, "Are you saying that Heero's not a male?"

            Realizing that that didn't come out the way she meant she turned bright red and continued, "No, no, no… I just mean why can't you stop looking at other women when you have a teen idol girlfriend sitting right next to you?"

            "If you even try to play the "Because I'm American Card" I'll hit you," Minako said clenching her fists next to him.

            That was Duo's only card to play in this situation. Not having another he decided to fold, "So Wufei, is that contest still going on?"

            "Only one more day."

            "And since you're the big man down there now I'm sure they'll let you in again to show us just how talented you are, right?"

            "Well now that you mention it…"

            When he found Quatre, he was sitting at his computer getting information on raising dingoes in captivity. 

            "You aren't seriously looking into buying dingoes, are you?" Wufei said coming up behind him reading the screen over his shoulders.

            "Sure. Why not?" Quatre replied taking his eyes off the screen to reach for his teacup. 

            Wufei sighed, "Hey, instead of looking stuff up on the internet why don't you go back down to the zoo and ask the people there how they take care of their dingoes?"

            Quatre's eyes brightened and he snapped his laptop closed in his excitement, "What an excellent idea, Wufei!"

            "Good. You can come with us tomorrow when I prove to everyone that I wrestled a crocodile."

            Quatre's face fell in concern, "Oh, Wufei, you're not still going on about that are you? It isn't healthy to be so obsessed with something like this?"

            Wufei raised an eyebrow, "Are you coming with us or not?"

            "I'm coming!" Quatre said as the huge smile returned to his face.

            "All right three down one to go," Wufei murmured to himself from across the table. 

            "Who are you missing?" Quatre asked his attention not returning to his computer.

            "Trowa."

            "Oh you want me to call him for you?" Quatre asked in a very perky tone.

            Wufei stared at him in horror, "Why are you so cheerful all of the sudden?"

            "Because you helped me, so now I want to help you," Quatre said already dialing his cell phone.

            _'At least he doesn't have us all on speed dial,'_ Wufei noted.

            "Hi, Trowa. This is Quatre. We're all going to the zoo tomorrow, wanna join us? But Wufei's going to wrestle the crocodile tomorrow." Quatre sighed, "Please, Trowa, it just won't be the same without you. Who's going to read the map for us? And fend off the croc when it takes Wufei's leg off? Oh you will! Great! See you tomorrow!" Quatre clicked the end button on his phone and smiled, "Trowa's coming."

            Wufei just sat across from him glaring. 

            The following day, everyone, including Relena and Minako, were packed into the van and on their way to the zoo.  

            "So we'll get to see the bats this time, right?" Duo said taking a corner faster than he should.

            Hitting the side of the van next to him, "Yes Duo we'll probably be at the Australia House for hours the way these two talk," Heero commented.

            "…and as soon as I know how to care for them I'll have my guy in Australia send me a pair," Quatre continued to tell Trowa and the girls even as he fell over. 

            "You have a guy in Australia?" Wufei asked from the back seat sliding back into an upright position. 

            "Uh… Hello, Wufei? This is Quatre. He has a guy on every continent and every colony, and well if you happen to be in Arabia he has an entire platoon at his beck and call. Duh," Minako said turning to look at him while rolling her eyes.

            "Yeah, Wufei. Maybe if you were as well-connected as I am then you would have been able to get past the guard at the Australian House."

            "I DID GET PAST THE GUARD! I WRESTLED THE CROC YESTERDAY!!!"

            "Oh, Riiight. I forgot."

            The rest of the trip went much like this. Duo managed to get them there in record time and without hitting anyone else or flipping the van over. Wufei glowered at Quatre and Minako the entire rest of the trip. Trowa and Relena listened quietly so as not to draw themselves into the argument next to them that was ensuing from one misplaced comment. 

Heero sat in the navigator's seat and he was glad for it because it grated his ears to listen to this noise. If Duo hadn't been so chauvinistic the day before, Heero most likely would have been in the back with Relena, and Minako would have had the place as shotgun. But seeing as how she wanted to put herself as far away from her no-good-boyfriend as possible, and yet didn't want to let him go off to wherever this so called hot Australian woman was unsupervised, she sat in the back corner next to Wufei.  That was the biggest mistake in the world. It was his mission, whether he liked it or not, to get those two talking to each other again so that he could separate Minako and her pent up man-hating anger from the most chauvinistic jerk in their whole group, Wufei. Then it would only take three little words to Quatre to end all arguments. And once again peace would reign, this time without his girlfriend's life being threatened or her becoming Queen of anything. 

Arriving at the zoo, everyone piled out of the van except Minako, Wufei, and Quatre whose argument had developed into such a full-scale war that they didn't even notice when the van stopped. Trowa suspected that this argument was half the reason Duo drove more dangerously than usual. Once out of the van the four deaf-but-slightly-more-sane ones huddled in a corner to decide who would go break up the fight. Rock-paper-scissors determined that it was Duo's duty. 

Duo took a deep breath and sighed heading for the now shaking van? "Uh-oh?" he said placing his hand to the door. He swung it open as hard as he could, put on his happiest face and screamed, "LOOK QUATRE DINGOES!!!!!!" 

Quatre immediately stopped arguing and looked out of the open van door. "Why didn't someone tell me that we were here!" he said jumping out and taking off for the Australian House.

_'One down, two to go.'_ He didn't figure screaming 'Look Wufei Giraffes!' was going to have the same effect so he'd have to opt for plan B. As the van continued to rock back and forth from the activities going on in the back seat Duo climbed in and put on his most hurt look, "What's going on in here?" Duo said loudly. Then he looked back and forth between the two of them having not really gained anyone's attention, sniffled and continued, "Oh so that's how it's going to be? I say one stupid thing and you go and leave me for… for… HIM!  And… and…" he sniffled again, "you have the gall to do it right in front of my eyes, IN MY VAN!" Duo buried his face in the back of the seat and began to fake sob. This got their attention. 

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!" The duo said in unison. 

"Do you really think I would consider dating someone as shallow as HER!" Wufei screamed. 

Minako sat their mortified, "What in the world would ever make you think that I could leave you for something so small as… as… and for _Wufei_?" she sounded hurt.

 Wufei scampered out of the van and joined the rest of the group (minus Quatre). He looked as if he wanted to vomit at the very thought that was going through his head.

            Duo lifted his head from the back of the seat, wiped fake tears from his eyes, sniffled one last time and then instantly perked up. "Somehow I knew that would get your attention."

            "Why you…" Minako said as she hit him and joined the others outside of the van, but not before pausing to smile at the guy she loved. Duo smiled happily and jumped out of the van locking the doors behind him. 

            "Okay now that that is settled off to the Australia House. I must prove to you that I succeeded in my mission yesterday," Wufei said and began marching off that way. He stopped turned around and grabbed Trowa by the wrist, "To you Circus Boy, I must prove my victory, and you will pay to see it again!" Dragging Trowa in front of the rest of the group he clarified, "in cash."

            "I get it. I get it. Can you let go of my hand please?" When Wufei didn't listen to him Trowa sighed and continued to go along. Until a pair of old ladies gave them a look, turned up their noses and walked away, then Trowa began to drag his feet. "Wufei! Let go of me. You're starting to draw attention to us… those old…" Wufei wasn't listening. Trowa stopped firmly and shook his hand free, "Wufei, I don't swing that way!"

            "What?!" Wufei stopped startled at the implication. 

            "I'll walk with you just stop holding my hand, people are starting to stare," Trowa said calmly as he gestured around them. 

            Wufei looked a little red, bowed to an older couple, snorted at Trowa and proceeded to walk forward making sure the taller boy was with him. 

            When they arrived at the Australia House, Quatre was already inside the fence talking with a gorgeous young Aussie guy and feeding the dingoes. "Boy, he works fast," Wufei commented snidely. 

            "You have no idea," Trowa agreed. 

            When the couples arrived a few minutes later, Relena and Heero were in the middle and Minako and Duo on either side one walking slightly ahead of the group the other behind. Inwardly Heero sighed, this was going to be harder than he thought. Rigging the rock-paper-scissors game earlier didn't help at all. 

            Wufei and Trowa were at the front of the line in no time. Wufei smiled haughtily at the woman standing back by the fence and stood his ground before the man asking the questions. "I would like to wrestle the crocodile," he stated surely.

            The man lowered his clipboard and looked at the shorter Chinese boy before him. "You again? Haven't I told you to get out of here a dozen times already?"

            Wufei stared back and repeated, "I would like to wrestle the crocodile, please."

            The man sighed and asked, "Are you Australian?"

            Wufei glared back, "You already know the answer to these questions. Why don't you ask me something important?"

            "Did you insult a member of the Royal Australian Zookeeping Staff yesterday?"

            "No."

            "EXCUSE ME!" The woman said storming up from her spot on the wall. 

            "There are no members of the Royal Australian anything. You have no affiliation with any Queen and have not since Relena declared the world one unified nation." 

            Trowa tried not to smirk beside him. 

            "Did you insult this woman yesterday?" The man asked again being more specific. 

            "Intentionally."

            "Why did you insult this woman yesterday?"

            "So that she would throw me to the crocodiles and I could prove that I am not some inferior person just because I'm not Australian." 

            The crowd cheered behind him. Trowa looked around at all the people; Wufei's antics had triggered a crowd's gathering. The Australians pretended not to notice any of the people cheering. 

            The Australian man smiled a broad, crooked smile, "Well then by the sheer fact that you're dumb enough to be back here again today, I can see that your little plot failed yesterday as it will undoubtedly fail again today."

            "But…I wrestled the croc yesterday…" Wufei began, but the man was already looking past him.

            "And what about you young man," the Aussie man said to Trowa, "Are you Australian?"

            "I have no known affiliation with the continent, sir."

            "Have you ever been to Australia?"

            "With the circus and on missions, sir."

            "Sir. I love this kid," the man said to the woman next to him, who smiled and nodded. "Have you ever dated an Australian?"

            "No, sir, I have not."

            "And why is that?"

            "There are no Australians in my traveling circus troupe, sir."

            "And if there were?"

            "I still would not have, sir."

            "And why is that?"

            "Soldiers do not have room in their lives for girlfriends, sir. If I had to say goodbye specially every time I left on a secret mission, it would have jeopardized the mission at the very least in my inopportunely delayed take off."

            Wufei rolled his eyes and turned around to look at Relena who was standing directly behind him now, "When did the war end?"

            "Last Christmas."

            "Just checking."

            "Hm," the man said either please or baffled by Trowa's response. Either way he moved on, "Were you born with superhuman strength?"

            "I do not believe so, sir."

            "Were you born with fast reflexes?"

            Wufei glowered at the man, "He's a circus freak, of course he was born with fast reflexes!"

            The man acknowledged Wufei's comment, but not Wufei. "Is this true?"

            "I do not like to brag, sir."

            The man punched at Trowa's head. Trowa did not dodge, flinch, or blink instead he grabbed the man's hand out of the air. 

            The Aussie smiled, "Not bad, not bad at all. We can skip the rest of the questions. You may try your hand at wrestling the large Saltwater Crocodile over there."

            "No thank you, sir," Trowa said.

            "Excuse me?" the man froze.

            "I do not wish to wrestle the crocodile, sir."

            "And why is that?"

            Trowa said with the straightest, most serious face this Aussie had ever seen, "Because I think crocodile wrestling is boring, sir."

            "Boring? Have you ever wrestled a crocodile before?"

            "No sir, I prefer to ride on the crocodiles' backs and treat them as equals then try to fight them, sir."

            "Excuse me?"

            "Trowa's specialty is taming wild beasts," Relena chimed in smiling.

            "You have no desire to wrestle any crocodiles?"

            "No sir."

            "And you're not going to go in there and 'tame the wild beast' and ride it for the crowd."

            "I had not been inclined to do so, sir, but if you should wish for me to do so…" 

            The man raised his hand to cut him off, "Then what may I ask are you doing standing in this line?"

            "I was not standing in the line, sir. I was standing beside the line, next to my fellow pilot Wufei, who _was_ in the line.  Because I had wished to have a front row seat when Wufei demonstrated his wrestling skills for me."

            The Australian man's jaw dropped, his eyes bugged out and glazed over, and he seemed to be frozen in place for the next half an hour. Trowa and the others walked off, they would come back when he recovered and try again. For now it was off to the Bat Caves. 

            "Finally!" Duo said as they headed away from the Crocodile Habitat. On their way over to the Bat Caves they walked past the Kangaroos and Wallabies.

            "Oh…aren't they beautiful?" Relena asked stopping to stare at them. 

            "Yes, fine; they're nice. Now come on; let's keep moving," Duo said trying to push her ahead.

            "I agree with Relena… I want to sit here and watch them for a bit too," Minako said from the back of the group. She stopped and crossed her arms in front of her.

            "Fine. I'll go see the bats by myself. It's not like you can leave me; I have the keys!" Duo said stomping off. 

            _'AAAHHH!'_ Heero's mind screamed though on the outside he blinked and said, "Hn." Heero took off after Duo. As he turned a corner he saw Duo go into the nocturnal house and he sped up slightly so as not to loose him inside.  

Entering the darkened enclosure Heero blinked once to adjust his eyes to the darkness. Slowing down so that he wouldn't trip on a little girl in front of him, he lost sight of Duo. _'Great,'_ Heero thought to himself as he scanned the signs for the Bat Caves. The entrance had to be there somewhere. Heero spotted the signs and followed them quickly. As he turned a corner he slammed right in to someone. 

"Sorry. Excuse me," Heero began to apologize thinking he had just plowed into some until-now-happy family. As he lifted his eyes to see the person in front of him he found that he had run directly in to Duo. 

Duo sighed and turned back to his staring. 

Heero came up beside him, "Kangaroo Rats."

"They're Mina's favorite."

"Hn."

"Did you know that they don't even live in Australia?"

"Really?" Heero tried to sound like he actually cared to know this.

"Yep. They live in the American Southwest and Mexico. They just put them in here because it's the only nocturnal habitat."

"Duo."

"Yeah?"

"Have you tried apologizing?"

"I really don't think they mind being on this side of the park. It's not like North America has enough nocturnal animals to make a separate house worthwhile."

"Duo…" Heero repeated sounding nonplussed.

             "Oh look it's your Naked Mole Rats." A voice nonchalantly said down the aisle from them.

            "Funny," a grumpy voice responded.

            Duo and Heero looked down to see that the others had caught up to them. Trowa and Wufei were looking at the various animals while Minako and Relena were standing before the entrance to the Bat Caves. 

            "I don't want to go in there," Minako whispered softly.

            "Why? They're just bats," Relena whispered back

            "What if they get in my hair? Or bite me or something?"

            "Honestly Minako…" Relena trailed off as the boys approached. 

            "I'll protect you from the bats," a quiet voice came from behind them.

            Minako turned around to be face to face with a pair of deep, bright blue eyes that seemed to sparkle a little as if their owner had recently been on the verge of tears. Her baby blues softened as she nodded and waited for him to lead the way. 

            Heero came up behind Relena as the other couple passed the doorway. Putting his arms around her waist he said, "Relena… will you protect me from the big scary bats?"

            Relena didn't even turn around before she smiled and responded by shaking her head, "Not even I have the power to protect anyone from those two."

            "Well hopefully if we give them a minute head start and don't let anyone get past us they'll be able to reconcile inside," Trowa said coming up beside the non-quarreling couple. 

            Wufei snorted. "Not like it'll help. They'll just be fighting over something else in twenty minutes."  This comment earned him three sets of glares and a hard punch from the fairest one.

            Inside Duo and Minako were walking arm in arm because every time she saw a bat fly by beyond the wire fence she cringed and buried her head into his shoulder. "It's okay Mina, the bats don't really attack people. It's very unlikely that they'll get stuck in your hair let alone come near you."

            Minako nodded but still wasn't completely at ease.

            They crossed through the gate into the opened area and Duo curiously leaned over the edge to see how deep the manmade cavern actually was. _'It's too dark to see the bottom.'_ Just as Duo was leaning over he heard Minako eep beside him. Standing up quickly to see what had scared her, he collided with a whole swarm of low swooping bats and was knocked forward off his balance. 

            "Duo!" Minako screamed as she saw him teetering over the edge of the wall. However the sound of her voice echoing off the walls disturbed **_all_** the bats and they began to fly around frantically. The children up ahead all ducked for cover and though normally Minako would have been doing the same she was more concerned with the fact that her actions just caused bats to completely swarm around Duo.

            Duo didn't know quite what had happened. All he knew was that his precious bats were upset and that in their confusion they had startled him from his grip on the wall and getting caught in his hair had pushed him an inch too far… and… he was… falling…..

_Falling into the darkness below…_

             _________________________________________________________________

Author's Notes: I didn't really expect to get a lot of reviews last time… though I was hoping for more than two. sigh 

            "La Semana Próxima al Zoológico" means "The Following Week at the Zoo."

            Oh… I also do not own Minako… though she's modeled after a character owned by Naoko Takeuchi… she is not necessarily her either. I just don't really care for Hilde as Duo's girlfriend (sorry Hilde fans…) so just accept that in this reality… and any that come from my head Duo has a famous girlfriend named Mina. 

            Anyway. Someone thought it would be cute if I continued. So… I have. And there will be at least one more installment to finish off this day. Please review. Constructive criticism is welcome, suggestions on how to end the day are welcome, and just plain odd comments are always desired. 

_Will Duo fall to his doom?_

_Will Quatre ever leave the Dingo Habitat?_

_Will Wufei ever get to prove that he can wrestle the Croc?_

_Tune in next week… _

_Same Zoo Time_

_Same Zoo Fic._


	3. Mas Tarde ese Dia al Zoologico

Disclaimer: Mobile Suit Gundam Wing is owned by Hajime Yadate and Yoshiyuki Tomino. Minako was borrowed from Naoko Takeuchi's Sailor Moon characters. But the zoo, and the crazy croc wrestling competition are all property of this Mina. Well…at least as much as one can claim ownership to any of this weirdness. 

"Más Tarde ese Día al Zoológico"

Duo's fingers released their grip on the wall. He was falling out of sight; "DUOOOOO!!!!" Minako couldn't help but scream as he left her sight. 

Hearing screaming Relena began to run hot in pursuit of Heero and Trowa who took off without warning just moments before. Wufei looked to where Quatre would normally be standing. Having forgotten that Quatre was not with them Wufei sighed, and then realizing this meant he was alone he shrugged to himself and joined in the race. 

"VENUS LOVE ME CHAIN!!!!" Minako screamed throwing out her arm in some weird gesture. She leant over the edge of the railing hoping to magically grab on to Duo. When nothing happened she almost seemed shocked.

"What are you doing?" Heero asked as he and Trowa reached the spot where Duo had fallen.

"I can't imagine why that didn't work," Minako said to herself and then looking at the two boys stare at her as if she had a horn growing out of her head she shrugged, "I figured that maybe I could…" 

            "Your screaming is just upsetting the bats further," Heero commented flatly. Minako instantly grew quiet and backed away from the edge.  

            Trowa climbed over the rail and using his impeccable balance peered into the darkness. "I don't see him." 

            "I don't hear him," Heero frowned deeply. 

            Relena was trying to comfort Minako, "Duo won't die that easy. Just watch he's one of them; he'll manage to come out of this completely unscathed."

            Wufei joined the other boys at the railing and looked into the pit. 

            "Duo… are you dead?" Wufei whispered into the darkness. When no response came he stood up straight and said, "Good."           

Minako began crying behind him, "Duo… I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. Come back please, you can hit on the ugly-too-tall-for-you-Aussie if you think it will get you in that stupid contest. Please…just come back and… and… show that chauvinistic creep that you're a much better boyfriend than he is a human being."

Wufei sighed, looking at the opposite side of the chasm he grunted in curiosity. "Do you think you could manage to flip from ledge to ledge all the way down?" he said pointing out evenly spaced platforms sticking out of the side of the wall as far down as they could see. 

            Trowa shrugged but before he leapt from his spot to gain enough height to fall precisely onto the two-foot wide space that was about twenty feet down, a voice to his right asked, "What are we looking at?"

            "Duo fell," Heero commented staring intently on the darkness with everyone else. 

            "Oooh…that would suck. So you figure he just went splat or something on the bottom?" the person asked.

            "If we're lucky," Wufei commented softly beside Heero. 

            Trowa had yet to take off and his pause was starting to make the others anxious. "Trowa…" Heero trailed as he saw the expression on Trowa's face as he turned around slowly. Looking to his right Heero saw the other observer. "Duo, how did you get back up here?"

            Duo smiled and looked from one shoulder to another where a few bats had perched. "I guess you were wrong. The bats are creatures of the night just waiting for me to summon them." Duo gestured and the bats flew off to take their places in the caves.  

            For some reason Trowa found this extremely hilarious and began laughing. 

            Minako wiped tears away from her eyes and rushed forward to hug Duo. "I'm sorry I got so mad over something so trivial," she cried burying her head in his chest. 

            "I'm sorry for being so Wufei-ish," Duo said and the two of them giggled before leaving the caves. 

            Heero smiled to Relena and gestured at the newly reunited couple ahead of them. Relena nodded in approval and the two of them left the caves much the same way. Trowa hadn't stopped laughing yet when Wufei finally realized that he had been insulted by Duo of all people. "HEY!" Wufei called out after them. This disrupted the bats again and Trowa had yet to return to the "safe" side of the railing!

            Outside the bat cave the two couples were chatting waiting for the other two to join them. "Duo…" Minako asked with alarm in her voice, "what's in your hair?"

            "Hm?" Duo asked completely oblivious to whatever she was feeling. 

            Heero grabbed the end of his braid and lifted it into the air. 

            "Duo!" Relena scolded, "You can't take the bats home with you. Go put those back now." On the underside of Duo's braid five bats hung upside down. 

            "Eeee…" Minako squealed backing away. 

            Duo sighed, "Fine," and he turned to go back in the exit. The door was locked so that you couldn't go back in. "Sorry, looks like I can't take them back. I guess I'll just have to keep them," he said turning back to look at the others. The door came swinging open, as a still laughing Trowa exited, and hit Duo squarely in the back, which sent the bats flying back into their much desired darkness. 

            "Where's Wufei?" Relena asked.

            "Oh… he upset the bats…and they…they carried him up…to the cave ceiling…I think…he's clinging to a…stalactite," Trowa said through tears of laugher.

            Duo smiled looking to Minako for some kind of reaction. "Did you tell them to do this?" 

            "Maybe." Duo's blue eyes twinkled. "He'll be fine," Duo said gesturing forward. "Let's go find Quatre."

            The others shrugged and followed. Arriving at the Dingo habitat they saw Quatre playing with some pups. 

            "Hey Quatre, how's it going?"

            "It's going great!" Quatre said giggling as one of the pups began licking his face.

            "You missed all the action."

            Quatre shrugged finally looking up, "Nah…you guys did. This is Jasper, Jade, Jinny, and Jules." He gestured to the pups.  

Looking at his friends he commented, "Hey where's Wufei?"

            "He finally got his wish to wrestle the croc and it ate him," Duo said all to seriously. 

            "Oh, that's too bad, Wufei really was a nice guy," Quatre said his attention returning to his dingo pups. 

            "Is that all you'd have to say if I really died?" Wufei huffed coming up to the group.

            "Hey, that's more than most would give you," commented Heero.

            "So which one is yours?" Minako asked squatting to pet the dingo pups. 

            "Sadly, none of them," Quatre replied. "These dingoes are protected by some zoo laws, and until I can prove that I have a safe environment to raise them in I can't keep one." Then Quatre smiled brightly, "Which Jake says for me shouldn't be more than a week to get approval." 

            "Jake?" Relena asked.

            And as if on cue the gorgeous Aussie Quatre had been talking to earlier appeared with a glass of iced tea. "Here you are Quatre. Oh! Are these the friends you mentioned earlier?"

            Quatre stood to take his drink then nodded happily introduced Jake to each friend. 

            "This is Wufei," Quatre began and Jake held out a hand to the Chinese boy. Wufei stared back at him having a newfound disgust for all Australians and Jake nodded, "Just as I imagined you." 

            Quatre moved on, "This is Heero and Relena," he said introducing the couple as a unit. Relena held out her hand and Jake took it in his and bent to kiss it, "Nice to meet you milady." Heero raised an eyebrow a few millimeters as Jake turned his attention to the Japanese pilot. Jake held out his hand and Heero took it but not to shake hands. Jake forced a smile as he said, "Understood." And Heero gave him one last icy glare before releasing the pressure on the Aussie's hand. 

            Quatre giggled and pushed Jake on to meet Duo and Minako. Duo spoke first, "Yo, I'm Duo," he said clasping Jake's shoulder, "I wouldn't go messing with the Queen's bodyguard if I were you," he whispered to the other man. 

"Thank you for the advice," Jake smiled still holding his right hand. 

            "Don't mention it," Duo smiled back. "This is _my_ girlfriend Mina," he gestured as they approached the blonde. 

            "Nice to meet you," Jake nodded.

            "Uh-huh…" Minako said spaced. 

            "Moving on now," Quatre led Jake away towards the last member of the group.

            "You no longer have rights to scold me," Duo said coming up behind his girlfriend. 

Minako blushed and turned to face him, "Wha? I wasn't…"

"drooling?" Duo asked lifting a finger to her lips. 

Minako panicked having not realized that she'd been so transparent and wondering if she really had been drooling until her boyfriend smiled and said, "I know."

"This…" Quatre said pausing for effect, "is Trowa." Jake smiled and looked the tall boy up and down before curtly saying, "Pleasure…"

"So I hear you're going to help Quatre acquire some dingoes," Trowa began having missed the look Jake had given him.

Not missing a beat Jake went into his spiel about raising dingoes in captivity and dragged the entire group over to the habitat with the adult dingoes. Well most of the group Wufei hadn't moved a step. "Isn't he great?" Quatre said coming to stand by his fellow pilot. 

            "Yeah…real nice guy," Wufei said flatly. "Can we go back to the crocodiles now?" Wufei said looking down at his shoe and the little would be wild dog that was crewing on it. 

            "Okay. Let me say goodbye to the pups and then we'll get the others and go," Quatre replied.

            "I'll meet you at the gate," Wufei said not wishing to stay in the Dingo habitat any longer. 

            Across the way at the Crocodiles the group stood in line again. Duo and Minako in the front chatting with Heero and Relena behind them then Wufei stood. Trowa and Quatre, complete with dingo pup Jules and a bottle of dingo formula stood next to the line. "This will be so much fun," Quatre chirped.

            "I thought you were opposed to this obsession?" 

            "Really? When was that?" the blonde pilot said staring at the pup.

            Trowa sighed and listened as Duo and Minako got to the head of the line.

            "Are you Australian?" the man with the clipboard asked.

            "Nah," Duo replied.

            "Are any of your ancestors Australian?"

            "Dude… I'm an orphan. Why…why must you dredge up such painful memories like that," Duo fake sobbed. The man who was still out of it nodded and marked something on his clipboard.

            "Have you ever been to Australia?" He rattled off the next question.

            "Dunno, is that some tropical paradise or something?" 

            "Have you ever dated an Australian?"

            "Uh, like…" Duo began making a head gesture towards the girl next to him, "now is not the time or place to be asking me about my past girlfriends."

            The man scribbled something on his paper and Duo looked to Minako who shrugged as the man continued without reaction to any of Duo's responses.

            "Were you born with superhuman strength?" 

            "Absolutely." Duo smiled. "Do you think I got hair this long with just really good shampoo? No man, it takes muscle…that radiates through every pore of my body even my hair follicles." Minako couldn't help but laugh when the man's only response was to scribble something on the paper and read the next question.

            "Were you born with fast reflexes?"

            "Yeah, sure dude, whatever. Listen," Duo said reaching over to place his arm around the taller man's shoulders. "See that little Chinese guy behind me?" This got the man's attention.

            "You know him?" 

            "I guess you could say that. He's my arch nemesis. If you let me wrestle this croc it'll totally piss him off."

            The Australian man smiled, opened the gate, stepped aside and gestured for the American boy to pass. "You have proven yourself worthy to wrestle any croc you wish."

            "What?" Wufei screamed from the back of the line. 

            The Australian man please to see that the braided boy was not wrong about the anger that the Chinese boy emitted and that the he was in fact quite talented, clapped loudly when Duo managed to wrestle the croc onto it's back. Duo then proceeded to tickle the thick-skinned crocodile while making stupid "tickle-tickle" noises. Pleased to see that his antics were making Mina laugh—along with the rest of the crowd—he stood up on top of the croc and clapped his hands together to show he was the victor and then jumped off flexing his muscles for the cheering crowd. The croc snapped at him and Duo jumped, paled, and laughed a little as he climbed back over the fence. 

            "You'd make a great rodeo clown," Trowa commented to the braided boy when he got back. 

            "Yeah. I'm surprised that I didn't loose a hand myself. But to see that look of pure hatred on Wufei's face was worth it." 

            Heero and Relena were next to the front of the line. The Australian man was in much better control of his senses now. 

            "Are you Australian?" he asked the Japanese boy.

            Heero smirked at him and replied, "Hn."

            "Are any of your ancestors Australian?" 

            "Hn," was the immediate response. 

            The man gave him a look. Then he turned his attention to the girl next to him. Relena smiled, "I speak Heero if you'd like me to translate," she said sweetly.

            "Fine." The man looked at Heero again and Heero simply stared back. The Aussie man nodded, "He…"

            "Has been to Australia. But he's never dated an Aussie because I'm his girlfriend and before me there was this whole war thing he was trying to resolve. I don't know if he was born with superhuman strength but I'd say he has…" Relena stopped when Heero put a hand on her shoulder. "Right, let him ask first," she smiled sheepishly and then lowered her eyes.

            "What I was going to say is: He may wrestle the large salt water croc in the corner."

            "Oh." Relena looked embarrassed. Heero walked calmly through the gate and over to the large crocodile who sat basking on a rock at the edge of the pond. This crocodile seemed to have all the other crocs and the Aussies nervous when they got to close, and that's just how he liked it. 

            "Why didn't you ask him more questions?" the Australian woman asked the man with the clipboard. 

            "No need. After two I knew he was not someone to mess with."

            "How could you tell, he didn't even respond?"

            "Yes he did. I distinctly heard him say that the Chinese boy is an idiot and no crocodile could be more difficult to handle than his girlfriend."

            "Hey!" both Wufei and Relena exclaimed from the sidelines. 

            The giant saltwater crocodile did not like how close this scrawny boy was coming to his rock. He took great offense to the boy's calm demeanor. He wanted nothing more than to lash out at the intruder. But after two movements of his tail the boy stopped and looked at him. The crocodile froze as he locked eyes with the emotionless youth. Gulping the crocodile moved backwards without taking his eyes off of the boy and moved to the side slipping into the pond as if to give Heero his rock. Heero sat down on the rock and said "Hn." While thinking, _'Trowa's right wrestling crocs is boring.'_

            "Can we go now?" Quatre asked. 

            "What but I didn't get to…" Wufei began.

            "I don't think you could wrestle one if they let you in there," Minako said.

            "Hey we've been over this. I am beyond capable of handling a crocodile!" Wufei began, anger rising.     

"She's right you know…" Relena said.

"Wha—?" Wufei stopped. It wasn't like Relena to take sides.

Quatre sighed, "Heero scared all the crocodiles away."

"That's why I went before him," Duo said patting Wufei on the shoulder.

"Maybe you'll have better luck next time," Trowa commented turning away. 

"Wait! Wait!" Wufei called out as the others, joined by a very bored looking Heero, followed Quatre back to the Dingo habitat. "OH THIS IS BY FAR THE BIGGEST INJUSTICE…" Wufei shouted trailing off after them.

"My, my…wasn't that exciting?" an older woman said to her friend, as they walked away from the exhibit. 

"Those boys were good, but I still think the Chinese boy who wrestled yesterday was much better," the other old woman said closing the viewfinder on her video camera. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The End 

_for now_

Author's Notes: 

"Más Tarde ese Día al Zoológico" means "Later that Day at the Zoo."

I had always intended for that last line to be the end of my Wufei story. What do you think, should I have let Wufei wrestle another crocodile? Should Quatre have gotten a shot at the questions? 

I'm not sure when or why this fic became a giant Wufei-bashing story instead of the comedy it started out as, but…

Oh wait. Now I remember because it's always been a Wufei-bashing story. Even though, I must state that I do not hate Wufei it's just that most GW comedies are based on one of two principles. Wufei-bashing or Relena-bashing…and Heero would be mad at me if I made fun of Relena. You know other than the whole Rhino thing…oh wait that's practically cannon… I just made it have meaning. 

 All I know is at least now it's finished. Love it? Hate it? Lemme know, maybe I'll rewrite it just for you. Considering the only people who've read this are my friends and my 1-girl fanclub. Thanks CTS. ^_^

Well… if anyone thinks I should attempt another random story about the Gundam Boys at the zoo, with or without their girlfriends just ask and I'll come up with something more. And funnier. Promise. 

Mina Maxwell 


End file.
